on gratitude

it feels like a well that never runs dry, if i can just get the pump working.

it unlocks the best in me. a relaxed awareness of the self , a warm and approachable aura , and most importantly , an effortless confidence.

i don’t believe there is a secret to unlocking success. Kung Fu Panda drilled that into me , as one of many kids who were let down gently (and tastefully , i’d argue). but if there was one , it might be gratitude.

there was a point , some time ago , when i thought i had the pump working with ease. even in tough times , it could persevere. i now believe that i’m far from mastery of this ideal.

like hella far. i think i made the mistake of treating gratitude like something i had learned, rather than something i had learned under a particular set of circumstances. like i just had to check a box and bam the pump would be healthily connected to the well forever. how youthfully optimistic of me.

circumstances are always changing. new ambitions, new people, wins i had spent years wanting, losses i hadn’t planned for. enough canon events stacked on top of each other , and suddenly the old way of accessing gratitude didn’t work quite the same. the pump kept changing. more parts, more pressure, more places for something to come loose.

that doesn’t seem too profound , though. gratitude journals are common enough to where you’ve likely heard of them , even if you’ve never bought one. this “on gratitude” thing isn’t intended to be profound , but rather , highly practical.

i think gratitude is the most powerful item in ones hot-bar. it can manifest as the silver lining in a tough moment (“at least i have X!”), a precursor to a shared kiss with a partner (“i love the way you reassure me”), or as the morning theme that shapes your day (“i’m looking forward to XYZ”). zoomed out, those are three pretty different jobs: a reliable safe haven for your brain, a passionate emotion, and a relentless motivator. pretty versatile stuff.

maybe that’s why gratitude feels increasingly important to me. life seems to reward looking forward: the next goal, person, or version of yourself. gratitude asks us to look around instead. not forever, and not at the expense of ambition, but long enough to remember what all that ambition is actually sitting on top of. maybe that’s what i’m doing with this whole website and this entry. i frankly haven’t thought too much into it, but i’m grateful you read what i had to say :)